Friday, October 26, 2007

Newbie and Lindley Updates

Hello bloggy friends! This will be long, so you can read it in sections and pretend I'm actually still providing you with daily reading! :D

I haven't been sick the entire time since I last posted. Just busy. Here's the latest...skip to below the dotted line if you just want a Lindley update.

Most exciting news is that we're having another baby! Woo hoo! Don't ask me how on earth that's possible. We had put fertility drugs and baby production on the back burner when we found out about Lindley's surgery. But Ironman had a birthday, so things happen. Gifts have to be given despite stressful circumstances, etc., etc., etc. Apparently God and/or my ovaries don't need Clomid to make me ovulate. Sayings are cliche for a reason, and things apparently DO happen when you least expect it. It really does happen when you stop trying, and that's why there are so many families out there with an adopted child and biological child practically the same age.

Men and those not wanting to read girl stuff, skip the next paragraph. Because of my infertility problems, I have to take meds to make me have a monthly "visit." If by day 40, the "visitor" hasn't come on its own, I have to take medication to make it start. After that, all of the blood tests, ultra sounds, and infertility meds can begin.

Due to the conditions of the past month or so, I wasn't tracking cycle days very closely. Usually I'm watching very closely and taking home pregnancy tests like they're free and come with a complimentary candy bar and wine cooler. This month I was simply waiting for day 40. I had the flu for a few days with legitimate aches, chills, and a fever, so when people jokingly implied that I was pregnant, I didn't even get the joke.

I had been VERY anxious before Lindley's surgery, so I was put on some anti-anxiety meds which happily got me through what otherwise would have been an emotionally draining two weeks full of sobbing in hospital bathroom stalls, the car, or wherever. After being home for a few days, I quit my anxiety meds cold turkey. I figured I'd be fine.

I was fine for a few days, and then the crying started. Crying out of the blue. I couldn't stop thinking about a little boy I met who was a cancer patient. He was bloated, had barely any hair left, and had to wear a little mask to protect against germs I guess. He asked me if I had seen his Cheese Nips. We walked through a hallway of the Ronald McDonald House trying to solve the case of the missing Cheese Nips when his father found us and took over. The hallways are filled with huge pictures of children that are fighting cancer or other life-threatening illnesses. I never wondered why I was so emotional because I knew what all I had just seen with my daughter and other children. It made sense to be a wreck, but I also thought, "I have to go back on the anti-anxiety/anti-depressant meds again until I get some distance from all this." Unfortunately, the meds I was prescribed had some side effects I didn't like. I couldn't get in to see that doctor because I had never even met him before. The end of January was when I'd meet him.

I felt there was no way I could wait until the end of January to deal with my emotions being all over the place, so I made an appointment with my primary care physician. Besides worrying that I was sliding into depression, I've been dizzy for weeks now. Before the surgery, I distinctly remember feeling like I was going to pass out while visiting my sister. In the waiting room the day of surgery, I had a couple of times I felt lightheaded. From then on, I've had a non-stop feeling of lightheadedness, so I also made the appointment to see if I had an inner ear problem going on.

Last weekend I realized I was approaching day 40 mark. I was still dealing with flu issues, so I didn't buy the pregnancy test. Stress and illness are two major factors in having a late start date of a cycle for a healthy woman. That combined with my infertility issues...I didn't even consider getting my hopes up. I finally made myself buy a 3 pack of cheapy Walmart home pregnancy tests on Monday night...end of day 39. I threw them on the counter and Ironman saw them. He kept asking me if I needed to pee--which I didn't see as any of his business. I also thought he was just being weird. Totally forgot about even having the pregnancy test.

I normally would wait until the next morning, but I was so sure it would be negative that I took it that night. I barely even glanced at it afterwards and was about to throw it in the trash when I saw the positive. I never get anything even remotely close to a positive on pregnancy tests. Mine are always blatantly negative no matter how I hold them up to the light in search of a faint second line. My heart stopped when I saw the positive sign, so I immediately tore into the next test and it came up positive as well. I didn't even have the presence of mind to think of a clever way to tell Ironman. I just plopped next to him on the couch and handed him the two tests.

He kept saying, "What? What? I don't know what I'm looking at!" We were both stunned. We loaded up the kids and drove over to tell my parents who were very excited. The next morning I used the third test on a NEW cup of urine...still somewhat convinced that there was an error making the pee the previous night bring up a false positive. So by the third positive home pregnancy test...I was convinced the cheapy Walmart 3 pack was faulty and that I needed to buy a different brand in case there was some sort of freak accident on the Walmart assembly line.

The fourth home pregnancy test was showing a positive almost as soon as it hit the pee cup. No need to take it out, put the cap back on, and stare at it for 2 minutes to see the result. At that point, I was feeling more confident that we did indeed have another Flawed/Ironman on the way...until that night when I searched for the instructions that come with the pregnancy test. I was looking for reasons a test could give a false positive. The answer: a cyst on the ovary can give a false answer.

ACK! My heart sunk. I have polycystic ovaries. That's why I have to have ultrasounds done every month before starting Clomid. I called the nurse this morning, and she ordered a blood test. After a couple of hours, she called me with the results that I am definitely having a baby. She estimates I'm probably six weeks today and that the baby will be due June 23rd. My progesterone levels are 25 which means all is well in baby world. Woo hoo! My appointment on November 7th will give us more details. I'll have a sonogram that day.

So I cancelled the appointment with my primary care physician to ask about an inner ear problem. The dizziness is caused by my blood volume changing due to having another person bunking in with me. The weepy days were apparently just hormones. I've felt great again for the rest of the week. Especially now that I can stop telling myself, "If we can't have another baby, it's my fault." It's always a bummer to know you and your spouse really want another baby, but your own medical issues stand in the way of it happening.

Wow. I hadn't expected to go into such detail, but at least baby #4 will have a record of the angst I went through just thinking that he/she may or may not be a reality. We want you so much baby #4 aka: PR--Positive Result!

Lindley is doing SO well! I keep meaning to take a picture of her incision so that you'll see how amazing she looks. I can't believe it's only been a few weeks since her surgery took place. You can't tell by her activity level. She's dancing and playing just like before. She doesn't seem to have any issues about her incision anymore-in regards to having people see it. She doesn't want it touched. She doesn't even want water sprayed on it in the tub, but she's getting more relaxed with time. It still seems to cause some discomfort when she lays back.

I wasn't able to go with them to her follow up appointment at the hospital because I had the flu, but she went through it like a pro! Ironman said she didn't cry even once. A lot of tests were skipped because we had just done them in the ER the Sunday before. The nurse did a lot of scrubbing on her torso to remove the adhesive she wouldn't let me go near, and Lindley allowed her to do her job with no fussing at all.

She came home on lasix, but now she takes zero medication!!!! For the past year she's been on Enalapril. Now she needs nothing. Thank you, God! Her surgeon as well as the ER doc said her leakage is basically non-existent. No further surgeries are ever expected in her future. She goes back to see the doctor in December. I can't remember the schedule after that, but the appointments are few before they completely stop.

One thing we weren't aware of until we were about to leave the hospital is how bad things looked when they went in to do the surgery. They were worse than expected. The leak had caused more enlargement than they realized. I'll have a hard time explaining the next part, so heart parents, don't laugh at me. I have the operative report right here, but it's in doctor English. To the rest of the world who knows as little as I do about the heart, there's a part around the outside of it that eventually you grow into and don't have anymore if I understand correctly. Children still have it. Is it called pericardium? Anyway, they used part of that to fix a problem that still existed after they repaired the cleft.

To those who will understand: There was still a portion of the posterior leaflet which tended to prolapse. In order to fix the posterior annulus, they used a small strip of autologous pericardium and placed them from about 7 o'clock to 3 o'clock in order to limit any dilation of the posterior annulus. They used a thin strip of autologous pericardium.


So all is well in the Flawed & Disorderly household! I couldn't feel more blessed and less worthy. Props to the big man upstairs who has brought Lindley through this ordeal so beautifully and shown me He works in mysterious the fertility drugs. And for the record, I was never exposed to any of the countless x-rays Lindley went through. Ironman went with her each time. When they brought the machine into the ER, I was asked to leave the room. They didn't even ask me if I could be pregnant. I was ordered out, so kudos to the ER for SOMETHING.

This song has really stood out to me for the past year and a half. It's one of my favorites. I really relate to the parts about the darkness closing in, etc. I can't sing it at church without getting teary. I was not the model of strength in faith. I was full of fear and doubt. I wish I could say I went through this whole experience blessing His name, but with anxiety and fear grew cynicism and a little bitterness. Not just aimed towards God but life in general. It's easy to bless His name when the world is all as it should be. I relied on prayers and felt that would make a difference, but I held back on giving all my fears over to God. For that, I am sorry. If I went through another crisis tomorrow, I'm still not sure I could go through it without fear. It's a journey for sure. Faith and trust building is a long process. Anyway, here's the song:

Blessed Be Your Name
by Matt Redman
album: Where Angels Fear To Tread (2002)

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

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  • Congrats! Congrats!! Congrats!!! I'd send a boquet of roses if I could. Good news all the way around....both the pregnancy you wanted and Lindley doing so well. Life doesn't get much better :)

    Could it be your puking last week had anything to do with your being pregnant?

    I am so glad things are finally going "your" way!!! Have a great weekend celebrating - Only treats and NO tricks!

    By Blogger LeRoy Dissing, at Fri Oct 26, 04:34:00 PM  

  • Wow-dee-dow! Things are really going your way and no one deserves it more than you.

    I would suggest Merle, if the new kiddo is a boy or Merlene, should he be a she. Wait! Fraternal twins, Merle and Merlene, that would be great! Merle and my other brother Merle. The possibilities are too numerous to mention. Hold on! Merlene and my other sister....

    By Blogger Merle Sneed, at Fri Oct 26, 06:04:00 PM  

  • Oh congratulations, girl!!

    By Blogger flutter, at Fri Oct 26, 07:28:00 PM  

  • Congrats all around!!! God is good and works in ways we do not understand.

    By Blogger Twinmommy2boys, at Fri Oct 26, 08:22:00 PM  

  • Congratulations :)

    By Blogger theotherbear, at Fri Oct 26, 08:54:00 PM  

  • Just had to say it again: CONGRATS!! AND YAY! AND WOW!! :)

    By Blogger Karly, at Fri Oct 26, 09:39:00 PM  

  • I am a sneaky reader and non poster... however I am so chuffed I have to say well done you too, I am so very very happpy for you all, for the new news and the progress for little miss lin


    By Blogger Cat, at Fri Oct 26, 10:17:00 PM  

  • I second Fun Wall's comment on your Facebook profile!

    By Blogger Kurt, at Fri Oct 26, 11:09:00 PM  

  • Yippity skippity doooo dahhhh day!

    By Blogger Terri@SteelMagnolia, at Fri Oct 26, 11:59:00 PM  

  • woohoooooo so fabulous to come here and read all this GREAT news. I am thrilled for you!
    give your darling girl some hugs from me.

    By Blogger Corey~living and loving, at Sat Oct 27, 12:57:00 AM  

  • Congratulations! Awesome news all around.

    By Anonymous mel from freak parade, at Sat Oct 27, 03:25:00 AM  

  • Have been thinking about all of you. So happy for the good news!

    By Blogger In_spired, at Sat Oct 27, 10:09:00 AM  

  • I am so very pleased and so very thrilled for you!

    By Blogger Deb, at Sat Oct 27, 11:12:00 AM  

  • oh, jen...i am typing through tears of joy for you. it has been such a tough journey and what an amazing testimony of God's care!!! i am so very happy about #4 for y'all and am so thrilled about lin's recovery! God is so very good!!!

    By Blogger Ladybug, at Sat Oct 27, 11:57:00 AM  

  • Congratulations!!!!!

    By Blogger Julia, at Sat Oct 27, 02:04:00 PM  

  • Well, there ya go. When it pours, it floods. Guess all those tears were not wasted.


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Sun Oct 28, 10:00:00 PM  

  • I've never posted on your blog before. I'm a friend of Adrienne and I've been praying for you and Lindley since I heard what all your family was going through. I was thrilled to read your update today!

    I also had to laugh at some parallels! I would never pretend to come close to what you all have been through, but I have recently been through some trials with our one year old that was a true lesson in faith and prayer. Looking back God's hand was so evident in EVERYTHING! Our God is so good! AND, a few months ago in the midst of it all I found out we are expecting #4...and I thought we couldn't have any more LOL!!

    So, I am praising God with you at all your fabulous news! LOVE the song you posted too!


    By Blogger Miniviolet, at Mon Oct 29, 07:47:00 AM  

  • That is great news - both about the pregnancy and Lindley.

    By Blogger RWA, at Mon Oct 29, 12:33:00 PM  

  • woo hoo! What great news. God is good....all the time.

    By Blogger Mary Fran, at Mon Oct 29, 10:13:00 PM  

  • Awww, that's awesome! So glad things are going so much better for you've definitely earned it!

    By Blogger baseballmom, at Tue Oct 30, 01:55:00 AM  

  • CONGRATS to you!!! And I'm so glad to hear she's doing great!!! **clapping**

    By Blogger *~*Cece*~*, at Tue Oct 30, 06:01:00 PM  

  • So happy for you and your ever growing family. :) Two blessings to be sure! Be well.

    By Blogger g-man, at Wed Oct 31, 09:04:00 AM  

  • Congratulations on the new addition AND on Lindley's success.

    xo to you and Ironman,

    By Blogger Oh, The Joys, at Wed Oct 31, 10:32:00 AM  

  • Keep the good news coming! Things certainly can happen when you least expect them. What a blessing for you and your family.

    And so happy to learn of Lindley's successful recovery!


    By Blogger Kate, at Wed Oct 31, 01:47:00 PM  

  • congrats on the news!

    By Blogger carmachu, at Thu Nov 01, 02:27:00 PM  

  • Jen,
    You have no idea how badly I needed to read some good news! I am so happy for you and your family! Congratulations!

    You are truly blessed! I pray the good news continues!

    By Blogger Queen of the Mayhem, at Thu Nov 01, 06:53:00 PM  

  • Congratulations!!!! I am so happy for you two. What a relief! Terry and I will be trying again soon. Hopefully we won't need to adopt again to have another one! Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    By Blogger A Little Revolution, at Thu Nov 01, 10:44:00 PM  

  • It took 3 tests for me to believe it too. Then one extra at the dr just to be

    By Blogger IEAT_SNOWMANPOOP, at Fri Nov 02, 11:38:00 AM  

  • Hi!! I found you through CeCe....Congrats!!!!

    And that is one of my very favorite worship songs!!!

    By Blogger Beth, at Sat Nov 03, 11:53:00 AM  

  • Oh my gosh, another baby! CONGRATS! Such a blessing.

    By Blogger Jen M., at Sun Nov 04, 12:17:00 PM  

  • Congratulations F&D! Your #4 will be blessed #1 for having such a GREAT loving family like yours! You are about to welcome an extremely lucky baby into the world!

    Just droppin by to say Hi.


    By Blogger guygm, at Sun Nov 04, 07:11:00 PM  

  • The song always reminds me of how i "should" be. It is a constant work in progress! Though I would say you have been very Blessed and are more aware of that than most! So happy for you and Lindley. God is good!

    By Blogger Rebekah, at Mon Nov 19, 04:49:00 PM  

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