Monday, April 14, 2008



My computer died. Then I left town. Then I got sick. Then the computer was fixed. Then I had a burst of energy and got some things accomplished around the house finally. Now my youngest darling is sick. So that's what's been going on here.

I still have nothing interesting to say although I've seen many things a person could go a lifetime without seeing and be totally okay with.

A woman swooped in line ahead of me at a local store which never seems to have more than 5 customers in it at a time. I have no idea how they stay in business. It has to be the Martha Stewart line of kitchen items. Anyway, she was in a rush to buy her four ginormous boxes of douche and 2 huge bottles of shower soap. Not Martha. The other lady. And that was all she had in her entire cart. What do you do with four ginormous multi-packs of douche? Well, I guess I know what you do. I don't need that part explained. You have all your friends over for a douche party.

Clearly she felt her need to buy douche outweighed my need to buy baby blankets and cheap toddler shoes, so I allowed her to cut without screaming anything like, "Hey, douche bag!" There was some kind of hold up that I wasn't paying attention to because I felt like the woman still deserved some privacy--whatever could be left after I took inventory of all the contents in her basket. After price checks were made with Harvey or whatever was taking place, the woman went to pay with a $100 bill. Who made her errand girl for the ALL NUDE ALL THE TIME strip club? Well, someone has to get those gals ready for Twister night. They don't naturally smell like daisies and fresh mountain air. The problem was, only two cash registers were open, and neither had change for $100 bill. That's what I call good prices on douche. No telling what all she could do with the leftover cash. I left the line, checked out, and left the store before the douche lady, so it all worked out fine.

Then I went to another local chain store with the lowest of low prices. I did just what I hate...I went down a personal item aisle that already had a member of the opposite sex standing there. I had no business on the aisle. I was only looking for a short cut and a clear aisle. So WHY did I not back up and take another aisle? Like the next aisle full of people looking at Gax-X, laxatives, and antidiarrheal meds? That would have been the more decent thing to do, but instead I had to humiliate the elderly gentleman standing there looking at personal lubricants and condoms. Yes, I did. I bet these people are grateful I didn't take names.

So those are a couple of things I've seen recently that I could have gone my whole life without seeing. If I were a normal person, I'd not think about it. But I'm not a normal person, so I automatically picture what the person is going to do with the strange things they're looking at. It's not cool. Often makes me want to stab my mind's eye with a fork.

The other thing I saw today was a group of nurses squatting behind their medical building smoking. That always bugs me. It messes with the common sense factor in my brain.

That catches me up for now. I'm 9 weeks from delivery, so I'm sure I'll be on here more frequently spazzing about what in the world I was thinking when I agreed to have a fourth child. Or you'll not hear from me at all because I'll be too busy nesting or in complete denial that anything is about to happen.

That is all.


  • Someone should tell those nurses that squatting is not healthy!

    Quail Dobbs

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Apr 14, 06:36:00 PM  

  • As long as it wasn't my dad in the personal aisle. See, that would be horrifying huh? Unless he gave you those in pre-marital counseling. He gets kickbacks. Kind of like doctors when they push a certain product. You ask my mom, she might not agree with his endorsing certain products that don't work for them but... Now THAT should make you want to stab your minds eye with a spoon. I'm TOTALLY kidding by the way!

    By Blogger headless chicken, at Mon Apr 14, 07:28:00 PM  

  • how do you get yourself in these situations?! you run into the oddest things. your life IS being videotaped.

    By Blogger ~love, at Mon Apr 14, 09:10:00 PM  

  • I'm glad you're back!

    Now I'm going to try to convince my best friend to go with me to the store and buy nothing but cucumbers and lube just to see the reaction of the cashiers. I'd try my husband, but I already know he wouldn't do it. Maybe we can get cool whip too. Oh, and I hear electric toothbrushes can be discretely purchased for a non dental purpose. That might not be obvious enough. If I can talk her into it I'll report back with my findings, lol.

    By Blogger Julia, at Tue Apr 15, 10:48:00 PM  

  • Dennis doesn't understand this post. Dennis is just here to avoid the featherstick tournament.

    By Blogger dennis, at Wed Apr 16, 11:25:00 PM  

  • Good luck with the nesting!

    Oh.....and the douche lady? ICK! You have to be pretty nasty to need ALL of that! EWWWWWW!

    By Blogger Queen of the Mayhem, at Sat Apr 19, 06:51:00 AM  

  • It's soooo good to read a post from you. You make douche lady sound funny. I think it would have been totally hilarious if you had yelled at her, "Hey douche bag! Don't cut in line unless you have a douching emergency!" Oh, I'm so bad. But of course I never would have said anything like that. ;)

    I can't believe you are 9 weeks from delivery! WOW! This pregnancy sure has gone by fast... or is it just me?

    ((hugs)) and prayers for a smooth labor and delivery and a healthy baby.

    wouldn't it be funny if it were a boy? I keep thinking you are having a boy. Maybe it's because my sister is having a boy mid-July. Well, whatever the reason, I keep thinking it's a boy.

    By Blogger Nancy, at Wed Apr 23, 05:43:00 AM  

  • I love it when you get nasty! LOL

    Hey, are you going to have an online baby shower or anything? I've been busier than all get out..., so I might have missed it.

    Let us know!


    By Blogger Attila The Mom, at Fri May 02, 01:25:00 AM  

  • You are cracking me up big time. I love this post. Thanks for sharing... in your oh so funny way.

    By Blogger Liam's Mom - Gina, at Fri May 23, 12:31:00 AM  

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