Random Ramblings from a Fairly Unstable Pregnant Chick

Nothing interesting to say here.

I wrote a crazy woman rant last night, but I didn't post it. Luckily some common sense came out of somewhere. Instead of posting it for all the world to see, I sent it off to a few unsuspecting girlfriends and burdened them instead. You're welcome.

What you're witnessing right now is a person procrastinating. I have a ton of things I could be doing to prepare for Monday, but I don't want to do any of it. I'd rather write about nothing than do something.

I find myself looking forward to my 5 day, 4 night stay in the local funny-smelling hospital. I realize I'll still be almost 50 pounds overweight and uncomfortable. I will be pestered all night by nurses taking vitals, etc. I'll be in charge of a newborn. I'll be bleeding like a stuck pig. The food will taste like crap. The bed won't be soft and fluffy, yet somehow I'm still viewing it as time off to take it easy. A mini-vacation that begins with being split open.

But I won't have to break up fights over toys. I won't have to time children playing with toys to force them to share. I don't have to think about what to feed them 3 times a day that they'll actually eat. And no cleaning!!!! Woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!! (Of course, all 3 of my children have come in during the writing of this paragraph and made my heart melt with the things that make them so endearing...I will miss them even though they'll visit daily.)

I'm hoping it will be lots of me and Faith time. For some stupid reason I picture her being easy to care for. Then I watch the reality t.v. shows about newborn babies and am reminded of the non-stop crying and not sleeping at night thing. That worries me. I'm soooooooooo tired right now because of not sleeping much at night. I keep thinking that in five more days I'll be able to rest, and what in the world makes me think that's going to be the case at all??? And I think my hormones will finally be back to normal when that's definitely not the case for women who have just had a baby. It could be months before I feel "normal" again.

I can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can I do this again? Do I have the stamina? How much harder will it be to have four instead of three? These are all questions I asked myself before pursuing pregnancy. I never figured out who had the answers, so I kind of shoved those thoughts aside. The thought that has always popped into my head is that the work while they're young is so worth it in the long run. I want to be old with a lot of family all around me some day.

Guess what? Apparently 5 days before giving birth to your 4th child in 4 years is when you really wish you had the answers to how much harder it's going to be, etc. The whole "it will be worth the insanity someday" is not nearly so comforting.

Can you tell I'm wigging out a little? I know I can do it. I'm tougher than nails! I can do anything I put my mind to! Yada, yada, yada.

Oh geeze louise...I'm so tired.