Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Background Checks Make for Better Friendships

I might have a new "in person" friend. Emphasis should be placed on "might" and "new" and "in person." Basically the entire sentence.

We're still in the researching phase.

If you have followed this blog for a long time or if you actually know me, you know that I don't do "in person" friends. To my lifelong girlfriends, don't think I don't know how you just twisted that last sentence to be something completely inappropriate.

What I do is clutch and/or cling to the girlfriends of my past and never let them go. I don't want any new friends because it's taken decades for my old friends to get used to me. I have no desire to start from scratch. (Sorry about the "old" friend comment. It's nothing personal.) I think it's only been in very recent years that they've come to terms with my personal failures as a human being and can write it off as, "Oh, that's just Jennifer. Try not to think about it."

I am what society calls "anti-social," or "busy," or "unwilling to give of herself to others on a frequent local basis." I'm not really about the "in person" friendships because they require way too much effort; however, I am considering breaking my own rule and taking a friend locally. My lifelong friends live hours away unfortunately, but that's probably the only reason they can still stand to be my friend. Small doses and all.

Anyway, this friend I'm considering shall remain anonymous considering everyone I personally know manages to find me on this blog. Sure as a monkey flings its own filth, she will wander upon this blog and read about this entire thing regarding herself, and the potential friendship will be over before it even began.

I'll just say we have to see each other weekly...bonus...required built in time to "be" a friend. We have quite a lot in common including knowing the same people. I think she gets my sense of humor which is rare. In person, I basically have no sense of humor. The jury is out on just how much she would appreciate it long term, but anyway...

Ironman accuses me of having a girl crush which is fine because he has a new boyfriend named J.C. Since we are both extremely anti-social, we are forced to mock and laugh at the other person when they consider making a friend. We're mature like that.

So I'm following various leads I'm getting on this person and weighing the pros and cons of local friendship. Now is the time to back out if I'm going to do it because it will make no sense if I cower in the corner of the required weekly meeting place months from now. It is imperative that I find out as much as possible ASAP!

When did I become so skittish around friendships? I'd say it was about the time that a favorite friend of ours introduced us to his arsenal of weapons and showed us videos of Bill Clinton's head on soldiers in Hitler's army surrounded by floating swastikas. Luckily he quit his job and moved out of state because the end of the world was coming, so we avoided some of the awkwardness of ending a substantial friendship. Update on that is that the world didn't come to an end. Also, people are weird. Keep them away.

Assuming I find no scary dirt on her, then there's the issue of the dirt she finds on me, and well...then it's over, so what was the point? I don't know. This is why I don't make new friends.

That is all.


  • Jennifer, you are just too cute in your paranoia.

    See, I really think people are friends with me just because I have a cute baby. When she grows up a little and becomes a lot more verbal, thus showing her true colors as my child, then people start avoiding me in Walmart and church and stop inviting us over for parties and such. Why else did I have babies 5 years apart?

    By Blogger MustangChick74, at Tue Sep 30, 03:46:00 PM  

  • OMG, I feel like I could have written that! I too am closest to those I met between the ages of 6 and 12. New friends just require too much effort. Even at work, I don't go out afterward or know what's going on in the gossip department. That's what Facebook is for.

    By Blogger Erin, at Tue Sep 30, 04:49:00 PM  

  • Good luck! Putting yourself out there could be a very good thing. And if she doesn't like you there is somebody who will. I have a feeling I would like you IRL. You have a hilarious and strange sense of humor like my best friend. Of course, I've known her since third grade, so maybe I'm more like you than I thought.

    By Blogger Julia, at Tue Sep 30, 09:18:00 PM  

  • Good luck with the investigation. I hear she's checking out the dirt on you.

    By Blogger Merle Sneed, at Wed Oct 01, 10:03:00 AM  

  • Jennifer,
    Thanks for posting on my blog. I made an entire post in response to your question about BeautiControl.

    Please consider this a personal invitation to visit again and have a dialogue on my answer and your thoughts.

    congrats on your children, they are beautiful. I didn't read much but what I did read, we have a bit in common.

    Choose well :)

    By Blogger Dora, at Fri Oct 03, 07:49:00 PM  

  • A year already?? Well I am happy your family made it through, what I hope is the toughest of times. I offered you assistance last year, and my offer still stands for you and your family any time they are in need. YOUR a beautiul person, and I would be honoured to be your friend... in the computer world. Since we dont live in the same state. Hugs to you and your beautiful family!

    By Blogger Marcia, at Sat Oct 04, 03:46:00 AM  

  • me and merle have already checked you out and discovered that you actually exist. imagine that.

    By Blogger edward, at Sun Oct 05, 09:41:00 AM  

  • My BF and I tease each other about making new friends all the time. We clamp and become silent in public. Together or alone or whenever.

    By Blogger bitchlet, at Tue Oct 14, 12:42:00 AM  

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