Friday, September 26, 2008

Tipsy Magoo

I think the guy who services our heating and cooling unit might have been hitting the sauce at lunch. Should my nose hairs be burning? I'm not sure I recognize that smell, but if I were to guess, I'd say it was a mixture of cigarettes, booze, and cologne.

Let's start from the beginning with the ever popular knock/pounding he used to announce his presence.

Knock, knock, nah, knock, knock...........knock, KNOCK!

(Professional, isn't it? I think so.)

It's the ac/heating guy! What a different approach than the lawn guy who barely tapped on the door due to the sign that says, "Please do not ring the doorbell or knock loudly. Children could be sleeping."

The ac guy greets me with a way too happy to see me "hello!!!" and immediately says he's getting drunk from watching the guy mow the lawn.

Really? Really, Mr. AC Guy?

Have you ever seen anyone oozing sugar out of the pores in their skin? Me either, but you'd think he was solid sugar because he is always super sweet. I shrink about 3 feet when he speaks to me because his voice gets very high pitched and happy like at any moment he's going to tickle me or play "got yer nose!"

Anyway, the lawn mower moving was a clever excuse for drunken behavior. You'll all have to remember that one. Now if I call the company and complain that they sent me a drunk repairman, he'll be able to say, "I TOLD HER IT WAS THE LAWN MOWER!!!"

What if he had come before the lawn guy? "Oh, watching this tall grass blowing makes me feel drunk!"

Or after? "Watching your door mat sit there, umm, yeah...I'm just drunk."

Anyway, we made glorious small talk about how obsolete check writing has become and how napping should be allowed at work for adults...actually that was his thing, and then he all but skipped out of my house saying in the most syrupy voice imaginable, "Now you know where to find us if you need one little thing, Jennifer!"

"Well, yes I do! Thank you, AC Man! Do you want a wine cooler for the road? Aaaaahhhaaayukyukyukyuk!"

Just one more reason to believe I'm being secretly videotaped for others' amusement. My friend says there really is a syndrome where people actually believe they're being secretly videotaped, but my case is not a syndrome. I really am being secretly videotaped and piped into a bar in Boston. I just know it!


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