Oh, She's Ranting Again

More on the book soon... I've read more than I've posted about, so I hope to make the time to update you soon. I'm glad to hear that a couple of you have bought the book! I hope it helps us see things in a new light.

I was watching the news earlier, and I have to vent despite the fact that many or most of you will disagree.

I realize I'm just about the only person left in my age bracket (or just about any other age bracket) who isn't jumping on board with a variety of changes the world wants me to embrace, but I don't care. I have kids to raise, and I still want the world to be a fairly decent place by the time they're out in it alone. I don't think it will be a decent place if we continue to look the other way and claim morality is simply a way for us to place labels and judgment on one another. I think there are times we all need someone to pull us back in line. I know I've been there.

I also believe one day I'll be held accountable for all of my decisions--good and bad, and that I'll have a lot of explaining to do as to why I kept quiet and went with the masses instead of rocking the boat when I had the chance, so....here's to rocking the boat and using my voice to say I'M NOT BUYING WHAT MAINSTREAM AMERICA IS SELLING!

**Soap box in place, and I'm officially on it.**

I hate that old-fashioned values are referred to as old-fashioned.

I don't believe in a live and let live mentality. There. I said it.

I think the standard for behavior is sinking fast, and it's hard not to get caught up in it. It's harder for some than for others. We need to remember that a "free for all" mentality means utter destruction for a lot of people.

I think immorality is becoming much easier to justify because we have such low standards as a nation. You used to be able to look at the next guy and feel ashamed if you weren't up to par. Now the next guy is probably a bigger mess than you are which means you're let off the hook and can continue living your life as you are. No need to rise to the standards of a gentlemen or a lady, an upstanding Christian, etc. if the standards don't exist anymore.

I don't think I should have to see girls going wild at every single commercial break when I want to watch a late night movie. I don't want my husband seeing drunk bimbo after drunk bimbo showing her barely bleeped out breasts, and I don't want anyone in my family having to watch two skeezes sticking their tongues in each other's mouths (although I'm sure it's just that they love each other a lot, and they're not sexual deviants...psssh!). I realize this makes me a real old-fashioned stick in the mud, but I miss the days that sleazy behavior was a bad thing. I don't think it should be celebrated and piped into every home.

I joke that Ellen and Oprah are collaborating on a new project--their own revised version of The Holy Bible because I think they've already verbally rewritten it by spewing their beliefs over and over and over again until they've brainwashed a lot of their viewers with their idea of how our world should be. I admit, I still watch Oprah now and then, but definitely not to hear what Oprah has to say. I try to fast forward when the guests stop speaking.

I don't believe the gay right movement is the same struggle as the blacks had in their civil rights movement. I don't even think it's fair to compare the two.

I'm glad we have a black man as president, but I wish it were a different black man.

I still oppose abortion. I still don't feel sorry for women who choose it as a form of birth control.

I still think it makes no sense that we will kill children and say the mother had the right because it was in her body, but we don't kill child molesters because child molesters--as well as murderers and rapists for that matter-- have rights that even the innocent unborn aren't given.

Just so you know, pedophiles meet online and elsewhere so that they can "come out of the closet" to people like themselves. They would like you to know that "like homosexuals" (their comparison, not mine) God made them the way they are. They can not help who they are sexually attracted to. Yes, it has come that far. Did we really not see this coming? Equality for the rights of individuals who are sexually attracted to children. Did you know fathers video tape their own infants being molested to trade with others who believe they are all just "misunderstood" and will one day be accepted just as homosexuals are accepted now?

As I said, I don't believe in live and let live because look where it takes us.

While I'm harping, I don't believe in one man having ten wives. I still define marriage as the union between one man and one woman.

It's been a long time coming, but our standards for morality are slipping as our standards for living a life of luxury rise. If there was any doubt left in my mind, it was removed when our new president was elected. The promise of plumper pocket books won out over absolutely everything else that used to matter and still matters to half of America.

We're the blind leading the blind. Our lives are a mess. Our families are a mess. Our families are broken. Our children are lost. Churches have no idea how to reach the masses because church sense doesn't make sense when you really like the freedom of the secular world. Christians are lost because they-- like myself-- look to the world for answers. When I was drowning in despair, I turned my back on God, made my own set of rules, and I failed miserably just as the world around me is failing miserably.

Someone attempted to help me by anonymously posting something in my comment section like, "Don't look to God for strength. Look to yourself for strength." (Oprah, is that you?) Well, that's what I did, and it got me nowhere. My wheels were spinning for years, and I was going nowhere fast. I am not all powerful. I can not do it alone. When I tried being godless, I've never felt more alone or more desperate for peace and understanding. But I had more than enough anger and bitterness because it had nowhere to go. I had no one to relieve me of my burdens. No one to promise me rest.

In Washington D.C., there are ads running on the sides of buses that say,

"Why believe in a god? Just be good for goodness' sake."

Below it there's some picture of an idiot in a Santa outfit and info of how to join the club of agnostics and atheists.

I really don't believe being godless is the answer. I think we're only more confused because right and wrong is not consistent across the board. Maybe it was never black and white, but it definitely wasn't whatever color you wanted it to be.

It's been said that the younger generation is the mess it is because parents were too concerned about harming their psyches and chose not to discipline them. Now those kids are the people deciding what is acceptable in our culture, and guess what? Every thing's okay! Surprised? Me either. Those same kids pushing the limits then--that the rest of us thought were so bratty--are the same bratty people pushing the limits now. For better or worse, they're getting their way because they think they're entitled to it. Ah, the entitlement mentality. That's never ruined anyone's life.

Staying quiet, being agreeable, and keeping the peace so as not to appear politically incorrect is causing our world to go to hell in hand basket. If there's anyone out there actually reading this, and you still see the value in "old-fashioned" morality, I encourage you to find your voice if you haven't already and let people know how you feel. I can't be the only one left who longs for a civilized and morally upright world for their children to grow up in.

**Leaving soap box.**

Perfectionism

Quotes from The Worn Out Woman by Dr. Steve Stephens and Alice Gray regarding perfectionism:

Many women secretly believe they must be perfect, or nearly perfect, in everything they do. They may give lip service to "nobody's perfect," but the despair they feel when they fail reveals their perfectionism.

Perfectionists strive for the unattainable. They need to be first or best and try never to make a mistake, which they see as a sign of failure or unworthiness... Because of this, perfectionists are rarely happy. They frequently slip into depression and are often disappointed. Sometimes they're so worn out by their own expectations that they fail to do anything at all.

At the heart of perfectionism is fear--fear of making a mistake and being judged, fear of failure and rejection. The faulty belief underlying perfectionist behavior is this: If I could get everything right, life would be good. People would love me, and then I could finally love myself. The problem is that as soon as you think you have everything right, something goes wrong.

The chapter goes on to say that perfectionism reveals a lack of faith. In a sense, perfectionism is really a way of playing God with our own lives....we try to preempt His work and get it right without His help.

A few principles to help you fight perfectionism (the short version...each principle is elaborated in the book):

Admit that perfection is impossible.
Give yourself permission to make mistakes.
Accept your weaknesses and failures.
Set realistic and reachable goals.
Aim for excellence, not perfection.

This chapter uses phrases such as "living human" and "accept your own humanity."

Henry Van Dyke said, "Use what talents you possess: The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best."

People Pleasing

I didn't highlight anything in the section of people pleasing. I'm not exactly sure what that says about me.

Since nothing stood out to me on a personal level, I'll list some of the questions they ask to help you identify if you're a people pleaser. This applies to people who go beyond being nice and accommodating. It's about people whose lives are worse for it because they do it mainly out of fear of rejection.

Quotes from The Worn Out Woman by Dr. Steve Stephens and Alice Gray:

Do I work overtime to impress those around me?
Do I often say yes when I really want to say no?
Do I depend too much on compliments and affirmations to feel good?
Do I let others schedule my priorities or activities?
Do I try too hard to be nice?
Do I take criticism too personally?
Do I find it hard to be firm?
Do I feel very bad when someone is upset at me?
Do I apologize when I don't need to?
Do I bend over backward for other people, even when part of me is protesting and resentful?

I think the point of this section was to say you'll never please everyone, and trying to is an impossible and exhausting task. If you take extraordinary measures to please people and succeed, they'll expect it of you every time if not more. If the desire to please causes you to feel worn out, it's time to stop. "Remember that your physical, emotional, and spiritual health is more important than temporarily pleasing someone else....Scripture reminds us that 'our purpose is to please God, not people.'....Pleasing people can lead you astray, but pleasing God never will."

Comparing Yourself To Others

How ironic that I haven't had time to update you on the book I barely have time to read called The Worn Out Woman by Dr. Steve Stephens and Alice Gray.

Of course, now the baby's starting to fuss. Let's see what I can accomplish between consoling an infant with hiccups and trying to skim previous chapters.

....yeah, she's sleeping! You know how ten people can read the same paragraph and come up with at least 5 different things that seemed most meaningful? I figure each of us could read this book and different parts would speak to each of us, so I'm just going to tell you what stood out to me as interesting. I'll type direct quotes that I underlined. Hopefully it will make some kind of sense and save me from having to paraphrase.

Quotes from Ch. 3

Most worn out women struggle with expectations...the shoulds and oughts don't stop.

Comparison:

Comparing yourself to others is dangerous, especially when you are on the verge of being worn out. As your stress increases, you tend to become more self-critical. Whoever you are, someone will always be better or brighter than you, and comparisons can cause envy, competitiveness, and dissatisfaction.

When you compare yourself to others, you actually stop seeing yourself. All you see is how you measure up to your perception of someone else. Comparisons accomplish nothing except to increase expectations. This saps your energy and kills your morale. It is one more standard to live up to and one more burden to bear.

Then the book went into some depth on the "6 As" of comparison which I'll just list here. We're most likely to compare ourselves with other people's:

appearance
articulation
attitude
accomplishments
acquisition
ability

In these areas of comparison, most of us tend to exaggerate the other person's qualities while minimizing our own...the best antidote is a healthy dose of reality...Each of us has areas where we can grow and improve, but in God's eyes, comparisons between people are like comparisons between roses and lilies--both are beautiful...More important, we are each infinitely precious to our heavenly Father. He sees us as we are and still loves us.

Spend some time thinking about your positive characteristics. Then resolve to start accepting yourself, respecting yourself, loving yourself, and thanking God for how He made you. We all need to spend less time looking around and more time looking up.

This section on comparison ends with a list of 100 positive characteristics that you're supposed to go through and select things you see as positive about yourself. VERY hard!

Okay, quoting is done on this section. This is Me! I am a comparison freak. And I just spent an hour of my life providing an example of how I'm a comparison freak only to delete it all. It's one thing to think the thoughts I think, another to verbalize them to people I hope will somehow remain my friend, and another to write them out word for word so I can see just how ridiculous I am.

Now I have a baby starting to fuss and 3 children interrupting every other word I type, so this is it for the moment. Hopefully it won't be too long before I can cover some things written on perfectionism and people pleasing.