Sunday, March 30, 2008

I Told You Guys I Have Nothing Interesting To Say

Yesterday we were traveling behind a woman in a truck who wanted to get into the farthest left turning lane. At least that's what she appeared to be wanting. The little car in her way had nowhere to go unless they wanted to play chicken with oncoming traffic, so they stayed where they were.

The lady--and I use that term loosely--in the truck started screaming like a maniac!!! She kept flipping the other people the bird and honking her horn. And not just once. She wouldn't let it go. She continued to scream and flip. Scream and flip while we all sat at the stop light.

The people in the little car had a smiley face drawn in the dust on the back of their car. The lady in the truck had huge lettering across her back truck window that said, "REDNECK B*TCH." Of course, there was no asterisk where the "i" was. I figure parents all over town appreciate her introducing that word to their children who are new readers. And how thoughtful of her to model the word so accurately that when kids say, "Mama, what is a b*tch," all the parents have to do is point to the woman.

And now a tribute to my computer with the sticking letter "a" key. This is relly nnoying. Wht hppened to my ? Did someone pour nother Dr. Pepper on my keys? Is this result of sneeze?
Gott mke sure I cover my mouth EVERY time.

Tht is ll.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Deep Thoughts

Sometimes I spend all day pondering serious issues. Today I spent wondering how so many birds get into the mall.

That is all.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Lar lar lar lar

Ha ha!

Gah! Some of you people are getting a little intense judging by the last couple of comments on the last post I wrote. Clearly you need a Flawed & Disorderly "fix," and who am I to keep that from you???

I promise you I haven't been dodging blogging because of that guy I wrote about. After a couple of days of messing with him, I decided he was absolutely right. I picked my self-esteem up out of the recycling bin long enough to convince myself I SHOULD BE MADE A SEX OBJECT! WE ALL SHOULD BE!!! WHY THE HECK NOT!?! Could there have been a man more right in the world? Here I am waddling around my house, bloated, engorged with excess bodily fluids brought on with pregnancy. I'm fat and nasty, and I still have THREE MONTHS LEFT!!! Let him tell people I'm hot! I AM HOT! I've got the freakin' air conditioner blowing full blast because I'm so hot. I'm freezing my entire family out. There's a bun in the oven, and I AM the oven. I am the oven!!!!

I haven't been writing because I have absolutely nothing interesting to say. I'm overwhelmed with the condition of my house. It's a remodeling nightmare. I guess I could have told you all the details of the ongoing remodel, but for some reason I chose to torture my closest friends with every detail of that ordeal.

In a nutshell, we hired a man who slopped paint on every surface that wasn't supposed to be painted. He did a craptastic job. Ironman doesn't want to finish anything. Every weekend lately is being taken up with more pressing matters like family gatherings. I'm running out of steam quickly. My new counter tops haven't been installed, but they're sitting where they will be installed eventually. My new dishwasher hasn't been bolted in place since the counter tops aren't installed, so the whole dishwasher tips out if I don't remember to prop it up while loading dishes. At least I finally have a sink again. And a stove. That helps.

This child I'm carrying is named Faith. Faith likes to boogie the days and night away to the point that my body feels tortured from the inside out. We started painting Faith's room over a month ago. It's still not finished.

These are all the things I would be telling you if I had the desire to log on and take the time to write it out. I have been keeping up with exactly zero blogs, so never think I'm just dissing you. I don't know what's been going on with anybody for the better part of a year. I've fallen off the face of the blog earth.

If you are at all able, please check out this Leslie Hall video. She cracks me up! I first saw her sing on Yo Gabba Gabba--a children's t.v. show. I was so disturbed by the gold spandex outfit that I closed my mind to how humorous it was. Now that I've seen more of her work and read about her, I like her! If only I felt so secure in spandex. If I spent the day with her, I think I would never stop laughing. Her facial expressions are only rivaled by her dancing abilities. I'm impressed with her on many levels. She has a cult following of gem sweater wearers. It's a long story. Enjoy and try not to lose all respect for me. Anyway, I asked her to be my friend on Facebook, and she accepted. I'm still giggling. This was my first ever attempt at contacting a celebrity.

In other news, I woke up one morning to a squirrel that appeared to be playing with the toys in our sand box. I thought it was amusing and took a picture. This has to have been the same squirrel I saw a while back that appeared to be driving a toy car parked outside.

Later on I saw this. This is not funny or cute. Ignore the sandbox that was rained in because I was too lazy to run out and cover it. I'm trying to show you what's left of our patio furniture. D*mn squirrels!!!

I even caught him taking my chair stuffing up into his squirrel nest. I hate squirrels.

Selfish b*st#%ds!

So that's really all that's going on with me. Now you can see why I haven't written. I'm full of boring and random information...which totally reminds me of Big Boy and Cat Woman, but I suppose I should share that story on another day. Basically it was just a 15 minute conversation with a woman who answered the phone for a handyman service. She had a lot to tell me about her cat named Big Boy. I won't bother you with the life story I was given, but she was just more evidence that I'm a magnet for weirdness.


Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Warning to the Lady Bloggers

I'm so irritated...frustrated...disgusted...freaked out...the list goes on.

Maybe I'm overreacting. I've debated about whether or not I wanted to continue blogging. I'm very grateful that most of my blog from the past couple of years has been deleted.

I don't do much with this blog anymore for a lot of reasons. There are freaky people out there. I've come across so many weirdos here that I'm much more cynical now than when I started. Of course, I've also met a lot of really incredible people as well. I use the term "met" loosely as I haven't actually "met" anyone and it drives Ironman crazy that people online think they're making connections with complete strangers that they'll probably never meet...and that could be full of lies and deceit. In reality, you don't know that I'm who I say I am and vice versa.

It's weird enough to write about your life and realize you're attracting complete strangers that for whatever reason return day after day to see what you'll say next. I've always liked to imagine those regulars on my site meter that never speak up are really just moms that are bored and need to see there's a woman out there struggling as much or more than they are.

I don't check my site meter often, but every now and then I'll get bored and want to know if anyone still comes around. I've followed hits to other blogs that were kind enough to mention me. Great for the ol' ego! And I've noticed some blog is tracking my pregnancy. Freaky weird and a little disturbing, but I try to imagine it's innocent enough. I've gotten some creepy readers along the way that have bugged me a little. But today I think I hit one of the more disturbing blogs.

I think I'm supposed to be flattered. Or degraded. I'm not sure which. I'm not going to give the guy any credit and mention his blog site. All I'll say is it's pictures of female bloggers, their names, and includes an excerpt that is really lewd.

And it's a fairly old blog picture of me, too. It references a post I wrote quite a while ago and has been deleted for about 7 months. Makes me wonder how long this guy has held onto my info. And considering the content of the entire blog is geared for perverts, I've got my face and name up on some site with a link to my blog that USED to have pictures of my children on it. So naturally I took all family pictures off my blog ASAP.

It's not like I thought no pervert could ever find my site. I realize this is totally public. It just gives me the heebies to see my face and name up in correlation with something nasty. I feel like I'm jeopardizing my safety and subjecting my children's pictures to people who could be really sick.

Maybe it's not a big deal. I always thought what a pervert did in the privacy of his own home was his business as long as it wasn't hurting anyone. But this guy is sending all of his creepy readers to me intentionally, and I don't find that to be amusing or flattering. It feels like a violation, but I know he has the freedom to do whatever he wants with what I've put up for all to see and read. It just bugs me. A lot.

Am I making something out of nothing? Put yourself in my shoes. You accidentally stumble across a stranger's blog that has a picture of you on it. Weird! Then you read a nasty thought he has had about you and posted for anyone to see. It's very unexpected and alarming. Trust me, it's creepy. Or not...another lady thanked him for it and said she was flattered. What? He was talking about her like she's a piece of meat he wants to ****. I don't believe for a minute that his profile is remotely true. He's got to be some nasty old unemployed guy who has nothing better to do than surf the net looking for blogger "babes" as he would say.

He wins. I'm bugged. I'd like for him to take down my picture and info, but reflex reaction was to be rude to him when I saw what he had written. I think it may be too late to play nice and ask for a favor. Unless he doesn't want his readers coming over to see this post I've written about him. I don't know. Ugh! YUCK!