Monday, April 14, 2008

Elephant Paints Self Portrait

I kept expecting this to be a joke. And then I decided it was a hoax because you hardly ever see the entire elephant while the painting is taking place, but apparently it's true. The elephant follows the commands of the man who tells it when to start and stop a stroke. Amazing to me because this elephant follows directions better than my own children.



My computer died. Then I left town. Then I got sick. Then the computer was fixed. Then I had a burst of energy and got some things accomplished around the house finally. Now my youngest darling is sick. So that's what's been going on here.

I still have nothing interesting to say although I've seen many things a person could go a lifetime without seeing and be totally okay with.

A woman swooped in line ahead of me at a local store which never seems to have more than 5 customers in it at a time. I have no idea how they stay in business. It has to be the Martha Stewart line of kitchen items. Anyway, she was in a rush to buy her four ginormous boxes of douche and 2 huge bottles of shower soap. Not Martha. The other lady. And that was all she had in her entire cart. What do you do with four ginormous multi-packs of douche? Well, I guess I know what you do. I don't need that part explained. You have all your friends over for a douche party.

Clearly she felt her need to buy douche outweighed my need to buy baby blankets and cheap toddler shoes, so I allowed her to cut without screaming anything like, "Hey, douche bag!" There was some kind of hold up that I wasn't paying attention to because I felt like the woman still deserved some privacy--whatever could be left after I took inventory of all the contents in her basket. After price checks were made with Harvey or whatever was taking place, the woman went to pay with a $100 bill. Who made her errand girl for the ALL NUDE ALL THE TIME strip club? Well, someone has to get those gals ready for Twister night. They don't naturally smell like daisies and fresh mountain air. The problem was, only two cash registers were open, and neither had change for $100 bill. That's what I call good prices on douche. No telling what all she could do with the leftover cash. I left the line, checked out, and left the store before the douche lady, so it all worked out fine.

Then I went to another local chain store with the lowest of low prices. I did just what I hate...I went down a personal item aisle that already had a member of the opposite sex standing there. I had no business on the aisle. I was only looking for a short cut and a clear aisle. So WHY did I not back up and take another aisle? Like the next aisle full of people looking at Gax-X, laxatives, and antidiarrheal meds? That would have been the more decent thing to do, but instead I had to humiliate the elderly gentleman standing there looking at personal lubricants and condoms. Yes, I did. I bet these people are grateful I didn't take names.

So those are a couple of things I've seen recently that I could have gone my whole life without seeing. If I were a normal person, I'd not think about it. But I'm not a normal person, so I automatically picture what the person is going to do with the strange things they're looking at. It's not cool. Often makes me want to stab my mind's eye with a fork.

The other thing I saw today was a group of nurses squatting behind their medical building smoking. That always bugs me. It messes with the common sense factor in my brain.

That catches me up for now. I'm 9 weeks from delivery, so I'm sure I'll be on here more frequently spazzing about what in the world I was thinking when I agreed to have a fourth child. Or you'll not hear from me at all because I'll be too busy nesting or in complete denial that anything is about to happen.

That is all.